VAULT Humor – Page 5 – Survivor to Software

So that is why my wife married me

Ever wonder how much you would be worth if sold on the open market? Humans for Sale has a quick survey that lets you find out. For anyone who wonders I am worth $2,271,612.00 “exactly”. I never would have guessed an overweight, balding, ugly, computer programmer would do that well!

Oh, on a quick side note I have added a reading list function. I will try to do reviews on books that (for whatever reason) I want to reviewed. Also added is a “Reading List” link under the Vault Stuff grouping. Just in case you want to see the complete list of books I’ve read since its inception.

Motivation and Advice

What the heck, its Friday right? Two pieces of weekend humor. First is a motivational video sent to me by Daniel. The second is a useful piece of bachelor advice for cleaning up:

How To Thoroughly Clean The Toilet

Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up.
Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid. ) The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)
Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides a ” power-wash “and “rinse”.)
Have someone open the door to the outside (Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.)
Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off. The toilet will be sparkling clean!

Sincerely, The Dog

Good advice to be sure.

It don’t take crap

Daniel sent me this. Has anyone else noticed that my brother-in-law seem to be a continuing source of content for Vault? Europe always has funny commercials.

Cold Calling a Cold Caller

The Miami Herald online has an absolutely wonderful article by Dave Barry about the consequences of his first article on the American Teleservices Association. Evidently the ATA gets a little upset when they receive lots and lots of unwanted phone calls.

Dave Barry basically summed it up best when he says, “I just hope nobody interrupted the ATA’s dinner.”

Centrifugal-force birthing and Stalin World

The Ig Noble Awards are given each year at Harvard’s Sanders Theatre for research that is best not repeated. Be sure to check out the homepage where you can check out past winners.

Tell me what you really think.

Thursday afternoon humor. Boy some of these are really funny.

This car just looks terrible; it looks like it was designed by a blind child with arthritis. In a coma. Whoever chose the color scheme for this car was probably asked to do so at gun point, because I don’t think it’s possible to choose two uglier colors.
–maddox description of the Honda Element.

What a s/dog/babe/

Ever wonder exactly what air brushing does to photos of models? How does the before image compare the the after image? How pretty do you really need to be to make it as a fashion model in an “air brush” world. Check out this little eye opener and see.

The Linux Question

…and SCO’s solution to it. For those of you who are not familiar with BBspot I strongly suggest you check it out. If only that article were so far fetched.

Homer and friends.

Things like this webpage are the reason the Internet was created. Its a Homer Simpson Random Quote Generator. In other weekend humor, anyone who has had to do more than two minutes of tech support will empathize with these stories.